I received treatment from Pauline Ryeland the Intimacy Whisperer for the 2nd degree vaginal tearing couple of months after the birth. With declining self-esteem I ceased going, and then without a car it felt like I was never going to see her ever again. The recommended treatment of castor oil ceased as well, and with my bleed returning I very much forgot all about the injury.
Out of nowhere Pauline messages me how I'm going and if castor oil is doing anything. Of course it wasn't doing anything as it wasn't being applied. There is however no noticeable sensation in my groin, and only a small pain when I touch the scar area at an odd angle. It was lovely to be cared about.
In the afternoon I was doing the laundry. I heard narrations of how I am still angry, repeating some scenes from the past, and on top how this scenario gets to overload. It sometimes got to grieving tears and raging violence, with which I had to remove myself from the room completely as to not hurt the baby accidentally. But today as I felt the emotions intensify I removed myself from the room before it got too much, and turned music on. I stayed out of there until I had felt better about myself. Tackling the rest of the folding became easier after that.
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