Not knowing baby's distress distresses me. The hopelessness of not-knowing. The I-don't-know's of biological technicalities. Unsureness of safety for infant (all the things I use for myself). Google is great for almost-instant answers. Sometimes answers doesn't come quick enough.
But there are always solutions, or at least attempts towards solving it. Recognising that this is the best I can do at the moment.
I found another ant trail entry, which meant I could spray vinegar in two locations and wipe the walls with eucalyptus oil. Coming to acceptance that it will have to do until I can find where the peppermint disappeared to.
I can't fix baby's sweat rash and insect bites, but I can help her cope.
Deciding that today will be a day of caring for us both.
Oddly enough she calmed down, once I calmed down.
I can dance to music with her.
I can read out eft sentences to her.
We can both have a cooling bath later.
It's okay to slow down, not everything is urgent.
Showing posts with label validation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label validation. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Friday, November 20, 2015
Day 41 - Assigning Values
For the dino sketches to be viable, I need to assign value to them. It requires me to convert everything I put into them into money count. Receiving decided amounts will lead to validating of my self-worth and also my works.
The most straightforward one is: what is my hourly value? I have some idea of what my physical labour industry rates were from the nurseries.
What value do I put on my education, both formal and informal, where I learned art?
What value do I put on the extra work, is research time on par with drawing time, or at a different calculation?
Do the characters have an intrinsic value, not necessarily at a time conversion?
Will the value change again once I move away from pen and pencils to computer graphics?
Do I include cost of materials - paper and pen for now, but perhaps later other mediums?
Question I must ask the client is, are the characters a stand-alone or active in a scene? Background details will increase time spent doing them.
I found these tapping from Jen Ward's Jenuine Healing Sharing Circle to be relevant to the topic:
The most straightforward one is: what is my hourly value? I have some idea of what my physical labour industry rates were from the nurseries.
What value do I put on my education, both formal and informal, where I learned art?
What value do I put on the extra work, is research time on par with drawing time, or at a different calculation?
Do the characters have an intrinsic value, not necessarily at a time conversion?
Will the value change again once I move away from pen and pencils to computer graphics?
Do I include cost of materials - paper and pen for now, but perhaps later other mediums?
Question I must ask the client is, are the characters a stand-alone or active in a scene? Background details will increase time spent doing them.
I found these tapping from Jen Ward's Jenuine Healing Sharing Circle to be relevant to the topic:
"I make space in the world for all souls to be loved and validated; in all moments"
"I remove all blockages to all souls being loved and validated; in all moments"
"I stretch the worlds capacity to love and validate all souls; in all moments"
"I make space in the world for ignorance and prejudice to be abolished; in all moments"
"I remove all blockages to ignorance and prejudice being abolished; in all moments"
"I stretch the worlds capacity to abolish ignorance and prejudice; in all moments"
"I make space in the world for all forms of abundance to be as valued as much as money; in all moments"
"I remove all blockages to all forms of abundance being as valued as money; in all moments"
"I stretch the worlds capacity to value all forms of abundance as much as money; in all moments"
"I make space in the world for nature to be loved and cultivated; in all moments"
"I remove all blockages to nature to be loved and cultivated; in all moments"
"I stretch the worlds capacity to love and cultivate Nature; in all moments"
"I make space in the world for ignorance and prejudice to be abolished; in all moments"
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Day 33 - A Long Drive
A lot had been on my mind concerning the unfolding of this week's events and was itching to get out of the house.
I went to the perinatal wellness group Peach Tree, then browsed around the shops, then went for a lot of driving.
In between, I attempted many words at how to tell H of what he had been doing to me, swinging between total absence and encroachment. Driving and talking to myself seemed to bring up some answers, and I also went to a town I've never been to before. The more driving I did, more was revealed.
The first drive revealed where H may have picked up his behaviour from. Media has a lot to answer for showing men what is and is not acceptable display of affection.
The second drive revealed what to thank the man for, and all the others invading my personal space.
The third drive took me to my mother-in-law's place, and even though the stay was short, it was nice to have a chat and a laugh. I didn't reveal all that was happening as at that point I was still working on unraveling.
The fourth drive's message was to hold a non-judgmental space for him. It also put baby to sleep which was convenient.
Upon returning home, I opened a circle just for us, where I attempted to get to his heart-space. It took a bit of listening and holding before he opened up to his vulnerability, his fears, and the subsequent rejection he may experience.
It required a gentle reminder that I was giving him undivided attention now.
He told me I had been pushing him away at every advances. The more I rejected him, the more entitled his behaviour became. And my explanations got interpreted as more rejection.
Yes I have been, because what he had been giving me is not what I wanted, nor had the energy to reciprocate.
It turned into a 'shortcut' cycle and desire for instant gratification.
I was finally able to communicate that I wanted quality from him, and did he not also want quality?
He expressed his frustration of how things had to change with baby needs coming first. That hours-on-end romancing was not going to happen any time soon. That is something that has to be worked on and, what our new romancing style will look like, will also take time to blossom.
H finally relaxed into the non-judgement and asked for a well-deserved back and neck massage.
I went to the perinatal wellness group Peach Tree, then browsed around the shops, then went for a lot of driving.
In between, I attempted many words at how to tell H of what he had been doing to me, swinging between total absence and encroachment. Driving and talking to myself seemed to bring up some answers, and I also went to a town I've never been to before. The more driving I did, more was revealed.
The first drive revealed where H may have picked up his behaviour from. Media has a lot to answer for showing men what is and is not acceptable display of affection.
The second drive revealed what to thank the man for, and all the others invading my personal space.
The third drive took me to my mother-in-law's place, and even though the stay was short, it was nice to have a chat and a laugh. I didn't reveal all that was happening as at that point I was still working on unraveling.
The fourth drive's message was to hold a non-judgmental space for him. It also put baby to sleep which was convenient.
Upon returning home, I opened a circle just for us, where I attempted to get to his heart-space. It took a bit of listening and holding before he opened up to his vulnerability, his fears, and the subsequent rejection he may experience.
It required a gentle reminder that I was giving him undivided attention now.
He told me I had been pushing him away at every advances. The more I rejected him, the more entitled his behaviour became. And my explanations got interpreted as more rejection.
Yes I have been, because what he had been giving me is not what I wanted, nor had the energy to reciprocate.
It turned into a 'shortcut' cycle and desire for instant gratification.
I was finally able to communicate that I wanted quality from him, and did he not also want quality?
He expressed his frustration of how things had to change with baby needs coming first. That hours-on-end romancing was not going to happen any time soon. That is something that has to be worked on and, what our new romancing style will look like, will also take time to blossom.
H finally relaxed into the non-judgement and asked for a well-deserved back and neck massage.
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Day 28 - Headache
Headache slowly increased intensity as the hours went by. I woke up with it, still not entirely recovering from yesterday's interruption. Flashbacks and negative self-talk did their usual things, and I eventually curled up and whimpered in pain and defeat.
Throughout the day, I tried many things:
- Drinking water
- Drinking coffee
- Rescue Remedy
- Massage
- Bath
- Stretching
- Taking magnesium tablets
- Taking painkiller tablets
- Ice pack on my neck
- Attempted nap with baby
- De-armouring visualisation
- EFT
- Sending love and validation to inner 'mean girl'
- St John's Wart tincture
As baby came around to being tired enough for nap attempt #2, I resorted to taking 2nd lot of pain killers. I also applied topically some peppermint essential oil*, on my temples, forehead, back of the neck, and lower back. This time it didn't take long before both of us were asleep.
2 hours later we woke up much rested. Tension subsided from level 8 to 2. I took painkillers round #3, and eft for acceptance.
*Using essential oils with infants is discouraged, please consult an expert if you wish to use it with and for children.
Throughout the day, I tried many things:
- Drinking water
- Drinking coffee
- Rescue Remedy
- Massage
- Bath
- Stretching
- Taking magnesium tablets
- Taking painkiller tablets
- Ice pack on my neck
- Attempted nap with baby
- De-armouring visualisation
- EFT
- Sending love and validation to inner 'mean girl'
- St John's Wart tincture
As baby came around to being tired enough for nap attempt #2, I resorted to taking 2nd lot of pain killers. I also applied topically some peppermint essential oil*, on my temples, forehead, back of the neck, and lower back. This time it didn't take long before both of us were asleep.
2 hours later we woke up much rested. Tension subsided from level 8 to 2. I took painkillers round #3, and eft for acceptance.
*Using essential oils with infants is discouraged, please consult an expert if you wish to use it with and for children.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Reclaiming - Day 8
Beautiful day, new adventure, delicious foods. More precisely going to Oktoberfest as a family. Enjoyable because of all the work I've been doing. As was so I did not have to rely on any emergency techniques to bring me back to joy. All was well.
But also I didn't have anything to add here, besides gratitude. There is always more gratitude, if one chooses to acknowledge them.
I managed to catch Anne Alecson's reading session on Soul TV tonight just in time, and queried whether there were any messages for me.
This is what I received:
I wonder what's next to relax even more into my sparkle?
But also I didn't have anything to add here, besides gratitude. There is always more gratitude, if one chooses to acknowledge them.
I managed to catch Anne Alecson's reading session on Soul TV tonight just in time, and queried whether there were any messages for me.
This is what I received:
indeed dear one Mariko we would simply urge you to keep doing what you are doing...relaxing into who you are, becoming who you desire to be...relax, relax, relax and know that all is well with you and your loved onesThank you Anne and guides for the validation that I am on the right track.
I wonder what's next to relax even more into my sparkle?
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