A lot had been on my mind concerning the unfolding of this week's events and was itching to get out of the house.
I went to the perinatal wellness group Peach Tree, then browsed around the shops, then went for a lot of driving.
In between, I attempted many words at how to tell H of what he had been doing to me, swinging between total absence and encroachment. Driving and talking to myself seemed to bring up some answers, and I also went to a town I've never been to before. The more driving I did, more was revealed.
The first drive revealed where H may have picked up his behaviour from. Media has a lot to answer for showing men what is and is not acceptable display of affection.
The second drive revealed what to thank the man for, and all the others invading my personal space.
The third drive took me to my mother-in-law's place, and even though the stay was short, it was nice to have a chat and a laugh. I didn't reveal all that was happening as at that point I was still working on unraveling.
The fourth drive's message was to hold a non-judgmental space for him. It also put baby to sleep which was convenient.
Upon returning home, I opened a circle just for us, where I attempted to get to his heart-space. It took a bit of listening and holding before he opened up to his vulnerability, his fears, and the subsequent rejection he may experience.
It required a gentle reminder that I was giving him undivided attention now.
He told me I had been pushing him away at every advances. The more I rejected him, the more entitled his behaviour became. And my explanations got interpreted as more rejection.
Yes I have been, because what he had been giving me is not what I wanted, nor had the energy to reciprocate.
It turned into a 'shortcut' cycle and desire for instant gratification.
I was finally able to communicate that I wanted quality from him, and did he not also want quality?
He expressed his frustration of how things had to change with baby needs coming first. That hours-on-end romancing was not going to happen any time soon. That is something that has to be worked on and, what our new romancing style will look like, will also take time to blossom.
H finally relaxed into the non-judgement and asked for a well-deserved back and neck massage.
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