Day 52 - Burn Release (Anger)

There is a collective unsettled feeling globally, and a few people have written/spoken about encouraging to release anger, resentment, sorrow etc. I wrote about a brief encounter with something from 20 years ago that resurfaced and did not shift for a week, along with all the other gunk.

I got post-it notes to write what I was angry about. It took several goes to complete it, in between baby needs. I included some of baby's complaints as well.

After lunch I quickly visualised connecting the head space and feet space with a grounding and highest potential mists, and a drop of PanAway at my heart space. I prepared baby's safe space near me but away from the cauldron.

One by one I read out loud what was written on the post-it notes and tapped them. Depending on the context, the beginnings differed such as "Even though I'm 'angry', 'sad,' 'still raging mad' about," and the endings finished with "I completely and truly love myself," "I'm okay," and "I'm whole and complete."

Around 2/3 of the way through I became frustrated that the flame didn't stay on long enough to burn properly, so the notes got read out only once and many matches were used to burn the paper. At the end I finished with "We individually and universally resonate, emanate, and are interconnected with all life in an acquiescent calm; in all moments," and put Joy oil on my wrists.

When it was time for baby's afternoon nap, I started Jen Ward's Release the Anger marathon tapping but I yawned so much in the first couple of sentences and fell asleep not long after. Yawning usually signifies releases, and sleep the integration of the shifts. I will attempt to do them again later.

Day 24 - Teen Menarche Rituals

"You are a spiritual teacher: You have the ability to counsel others and help them awaken their spiritual gifts and Divine life mission."

It brings to mind today's conversation with mothers with older daughters; one had her first bleed recently and the other is yet to. It featured the observing of teen embarrassment and the steep learning curve. Much was said about the mother's awkwardness and lack of information to pass on, as it had been a lifetime ago for them when they first bled, and also having grown up in the era where parent input was minimal.

Even though I have yet to experience this part of parenthood, they sought for my advice in regards to teen celebrations.

Just off the top of my head, some gift ideas I've heard from people:

- Flowers
- Jewelry
- Cycle diary
- Special meals
- Hand-made something (I am making a blanket)
- Mother-daughter workshops/retreats
- Heat packs/hot water bottle
- Pads/Tampons/Cup

Of course, it is much encouraged to have ongoing body-positive conversations with your children from their first questions. Let them know when you are menstruating, and discuss products in commercials and the shopping center isles. Remove the layers of shame one by one.

For more information on teens and menstruation, check out A Mighty Girl's list of recommended readings.

Day 18 - Full Moon Thunder

Thunderstorms always charges me. With the recent wild weather, yesterday afternoon was the first chance I had to stand in the rain, watch the lightening, and soak up the lively vibrations.

Primal roar calling, nitrate-attaching.

Also aware that beyond the wild weather was the full moon rising; realisation of the potentials, bringing forth the creations.

Staying in the cold rain as long as I could stand, followed by a hot shower to wash it all off; shaking off the last little bit that does not serve me, welcoming all that does.

I did not sleep that night.

Awake, content, anticipating...

What else will my sparkle attract towards me?

Day 15 - Menarche Rituals

My bleed returned 6 month after birthing. Although surprised that it came back so soon, I was also missing performing some rituals during the time. By the time menarchy restarted, I had began to accumulate some ideas about how to honour this girl-child's growth into womanhood.

I have no recollection of my first bleed, nor a diary record. Mum bought me pads, lamented how underwear with extra lining were not available for purchase, and got cross at me often for leaving the used liners in the bathroom. Menstruation, aside from during the occasional sex education, was only ever mentioned when skipping swimming lessons, as a lie or as a truth.

I only became interested in it in 2010 during Womanhood run by the Women's Wellbeing Association, after years of bleeding unconsciously. Now living the 4 seasons is an important aspect of loving my own body.

When my bleed returned, I began crocheting and knitting. If I can do at least one square each bleed, I will have enough for a blanket by the time baby has her first bleed. I have yet to decide whether it will be a complete blanket or a stash of squares I gift her. It's almost a decade away before I need to decide.

For now, making little squares has become part of an important care ritual to add to the bath soaks, using cloth pads, giving the blood to the earth, and plenty of resting.

I declined on the invite to attend WWA's annual Gathering this weekend. While the Period Tracker app informed me that I was due end of next week, in time for the monthly circle meetings, it feels very appropriate that this cycle's started yesterday. My body has yet to reestablish its rhythm.