Our Christmas routine had settled into visiting both mine and H's family in Warwick, because they coincidentally live in the same town.
I was challenged a few times with baby's crying. Her disrupted routine, extended sitting strapped down in the seat belt, and limited contact upset her enough to continue screaming instead of falling asleep. It took several goes of this to finally find a rhythm to get her to sleep before driving a distance.
On Christmas day I had an emergency session with my mother-in-law for her stresses. I used Rescue Remedy as a mouth spray, Christmas Calm as an entire body spray, and Wild Orange oil on her temples when she first arrived. Did the same before she left, and added Gratitude oil to her heart space at the end.
On Boxing Day, baby was conveniently asleep during a visit to someone I didn't want to see - one of the causes of anxiety during the trip. As a compromise we waved at each other.
I was bracing myself for a flood of pinkwash gifts for baby's first Christmas. And then it ended up only being two items; a hat, and a pack of blocks. The third item never arrived as it got returned under other circumstances.
I received an Arrowroot, energetically a protection medicine, which can be utilised in various magics. I hung it above a window when we got home.
Nothing is ever perfect but, overall, I enjoyed great company, fantastic food, and a relaxing time. Plenty of coffee got me through being awake from disrupted baby sleep.
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Monday, December 28, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Day 70 - Couple Care Date
H decided one day that as a treat, he wanted to go to Gold Class to see the new Star Wars movie. He had never done Gold Class movies before, and it had been years since I went once. This took quite a bit of organising, including the question of will mother in law be available to babysit. After some doubts about her work hours, it finally came to pass that she was.
Then it was a matter of getting baby used to her grandmother, which would have required a more frequent visitation. This took a bit of back-and-forth to arrange time, but we did it.
I noted my nervousness increasing. I knew baby would not like being separated. She does not fall asleep easily and will not sleep anywhere else but on or beside me. I kept remembering how the last time the babysitter was over it took just half-hour before she was over being with somebody else. I also noted mother-in-law's low self-esteem, and worried she would take it personally that there was nothing she can do to settle baby.
Coupled with anxiety of Christmas, I wasn't feeling too good about the day, at the same time being excited over the first date since birth.
I woke to cramping belly and thought my period had started, as it was due today. After lulling baby back to sleep, I got up after 5am and curled up on the couch for a short while. Strangely turning the tv on broke that state, and further improved by drink and food. By the time baby woke up properly, a little after 8am, I was feeling much more positive about the day to come.
The sleep-in also meant happier baby to be left in care. I also wrote a few 'instructions', which made me feel more confident about leaving her.
The date went well and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves for a few hours.
Apparently, as I predicted, baby wailed until she passed out for 2 hours, and had only just woken up when we arrived home. Mother-in-law had her nap with her, which I was pleased about.
I tried to deflect her saying "good girl" (one of the instructions was to phrase it another way), but as she kept repeating it, I see that this is one area that needs more work on and a constant reminder. It will also be beneficial to have H on board with it. It is a boundary and respect issue.
Overall it was a great day.
Then it was a matter of getting baby used to her grandmother, which would have required a more frequent visitation. This took a bit of back-and-forth to arrange time, but we did it.
I noted my nervousness increasing. I knew baby would not like being separated. She does not fall asleep easily and will not sleep anywhere else but on or beside me. I kept remembering how the last time the babysitter was over it took just half-hour before she was over being with somebody else. I also noted mother-in-law's low self-esteem, and worried she would take it personally that there was nothing she can do to settle baby.
Coupled with anxiety of Christmas, I wasn't feeling too good about the day, at the same time being excited over the first date since birth.
I woke to cramping belly and thought my period had started, as it was due today. After lulling baby back to sleep, I got up after 5am and curled up on the couch for a short while. Strangely turning the tv on broke that state, and further improved by drink and food. By the time baby woke up properly, a little after 8am, I was feeling much more positive about the day to come.
The sleep-in also meant happier baby to be left in care. I also wrote a few 'instructions', which made me feel more confident about leaving her.
The date went well and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves for a few hours.
Apparently, as I predicted, baby wailed until she passed out for 2 hours, and had only just woken up when we arrived home. Mother-in-law had her nap with her, which I was pleased about.
I tried to deflect her saying "good girl" (one of the instructions was to phrase it another way), but as she kept repeating it, I see that this is one area that needs more work on and a constant reminder. It will also be beneficial to have H on board with it. It is a boundary and respect issue.
Overall it was a great day.
Monday, December 7, 2015
Day 55 - 7/12/2015
It's a great moment when panic is reassured that there are no further damage. I thought I would be penalised further for not paying the parking fine on time, I was upset that the online payment option was not available yesterday, and the question of am I even heading into the right building and office? The customer service person reassured me that it was okay, agreed with me what a frustrating situation it was.
I also made a call to two friends who listened that I wasn't okay but diverted me to catching up and laughing about a few things.
Today's cards were:
Honey & Coffee
The sweetness of life
The stimulation of life
I also made a call to two friends who listened that I wasn't okay but diverted me to catching up and laughing about a few things.
Today's cards were:
Honey & Coffee
The sweetness of life
Honey was believed by ancient cultures to be the food of the gods. As a medicine, honey is an aid to both internal and external healing. On an emotional level, honey can soothe frayed nerves.
"I open my soul to my own natural sweetness."
The stimulation of life
Coffee is not only a drink that stimulates and satisfies but a medicine with powerful healings. Esoterically coffee represents our desire for stimulation.
"Life excites and delights me."
From Nature's Healing Oracle
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Day 53 - Honouring Chaos Beginnings
The plan was for me to go out mid-morning with baby, and H to clean the house. It didn't happen as I had a panic attack and went back to bed instead. Baby had her nap as well and we stayed in bed for over 2 hours. She stirred a few times but went back to sleep quickly with and without my assistance. I got out of bed because my phone was running out of charge.
One of the conversations on Facebook offered me some peppermint tea. I took her up on the offer, kind of, and put peppermint oil on my hands and heart space, and made myself green tea. I also opened the Joy bottle to smell.
To shift my state further, I asked H if he would like pie for lunch. He agreed, and I put the pies in the oven to cook for 50 minutes.
Baby was still asleep.
I asked Earth Magic Oracle Cards what this unsettledness, today and all this week, meant.
Dreamtime/Creation, Childhood/Innocence, Dawn/New Beginnings
Immediately I got CHAOS CHAOS and NEW YEARS. Literally, the end of the year, the child's joy of holidays, all the creating I've been doing recently. Also a reminder that we are still at the beginnings of things, even though we've been in it for a while, with marriage, child, and parenthood.
Their messages were:
* Allow yourself to take risks with self-expression
* The wisdom and faith that you accrued from your life experience are the key to recapturing state of innocence.
* It is time to say farewell to the old and honour the new by releasing any self-imposed constraints or resistance to the truth that you know.
One of the conversations on Facebook offered me some peppermint tea. I took her up on the offer, kind of, and put peppermint oil on my hands and heart space, and made myself green tea. I also opened the Joy bottle to smell.
To shift my state further, I asked H if he would like pie for lunch. He agreed, and I put the pies in the oven to cook for 50 minutes.
Baby was still asleep.
I asked Earth Magic Oracle Cards what this unsettledness, today and all this week, meant.
Dreamtime/Creation, Childhood/Innocence, Dawn/New Beginnings
Immediately I got CHAOS CHAOS and NEW YEARS. Literally, the end of the year, the child's joy of holidays, all the creating I've been doing recently. Also a reminder that we are still at the beginnings of things, even though we've been in it for a while, with marriage, child, and parenthood.
Their messages were:
* Allow yourself to take risks with self-expression
* The wisdom and faith that you accrued from your life experience are the key to recapturing state of innocence.
* It is time to say farewell to the old and honour the new by releasing any self-imposed constraints or resistance to the truth that you know.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Day 42 - Choices
I had several choices for what activity I will be at this afternoon.
Mother in law's birthday celebration for lunch?
A 3-year-old birthday celebration in the park?
Curl up in my anxiety and not leave the house?
First option promised familiarity. However I also mentioned to her why not have a day out with her son, as they have not had an alone time for a while.
Second option promised a fun day out, meeting new people, and expanding the Japanese network I've been wanting for baby and I.
Third option promised me guaranteed coffee and aircon.
My anxiety settled as I said to myself; I will go to the one that serves mine, baby, and their highest good.
I thought I made a mistake when, even arriving at the park earlier, I didn't see any birthday-party or barbecue-like group arriving. I went for a short walk to see if there was another picnic area. I couldn't find it, so I returned. As I didn't have my phone, I thought returning home would be the best option.
It did, but I didn't make it home either. Further up, near the *other* entrance, were two separate parties.
The first one had organised games with older children. It could not be them.
The second group was smaller, and had a few dark-haired people gathered. I cautiously parked, got out, and inconspicuously tried to catch their conversing. It turned out it was them!
I had a good time, baby had a good time, and I think the rest of the people had a great time too.
Now just waiting for H to come home. He must be having a great time too to be out for so long.
Mother in law's birthday celebration for lunch?
A 3-year-old birthday celebration in the park?
Curl up in my anxiety and not leave the house?
First option promised familiarity. However I also mentioned to her why not have a day out with her son, as they have not had an alone time for a while.
Second option promised a fun day out, meeting new people, and expanding the Japanese network I've been wanting for baby and I.
Third option promised me guaranteed coffee and aircon.
My anxiety settled as I said to myself; I will go to the one that serves mine, baby, and their highest good.
I thought I made a mistake when, even arriving at the park earlier, I didn't see any birthday-party or barbecue-like group arriving. I went for a short walk to see if there was another picnic area. I couldn't find it, so I returned. As I didn't have my phone, I thought returning home would be the best option.
It did, but I didn't make it home either. Further up, near the *other* entrance, were two separate parties.
The first one had organised games with older children. It could not be them.
The second group was smaller, and had a few dark-haired people gathered. I cautiously parked, got out, and inconspicuously tried to catch their conversing. It turned out it was them!
I had a good time, baby had a good time, and I think the rest of the people had a great time too.
Now just waiting for H to come home. He must be having a great time too to be out for so long.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Reclaiming - Day 2
Anxiety. Body shaking. Heart rushing. Mouth dry.
The reaction to the "need" to do something. Some things just have to be done, like a phone call regarding overdue payments. It was on my mind a lot waiting for the magical 9 o'clock to tick over. But baby had a nap that got interrupted by a knock at the door. Cue more body shaking from the surprise noise.
I view back at the last few months, thanking all that time I took to recover. A month or so ago I asked, for a different issue, if there was an online chat option for those of us too anxious to even pick up the phone. Turns out there are plenty of services like that, thankfully.
Picked up the phone. Put the phone down to go to the toilet. Came out and had a glass of water. Deep breathing. Sprayed on "Christmas Calm" by Kinique Kinesiology. It's a soft smell with a hint of sweetness. It's Christmas everyday when you use this regularly.
Pressed in the number. Hang up. Repeat, several times, as I get navigated around automated instructions, fumbling with information required, replying too slow for the recording. Finally getting through to an operator, for him to inform me that the online processing had actually worked, despite my screen telling me otherwise.
Automation is awesome. Humans to talk to on the other end of the phone are awesome. Thankfully it is now set up and I can anxiety about something else.
I spray more Christmas Calm onto the heart area.
The reaction to the "need" to do something. Some things just have to be done, like a phone call regarding overdue payments. It was on my mind a lot waiting for the magical 9 o'clock to tick over. But baby had a nap that got interrupted by a knock at the door. Cue more body shaking from the surprise noise.
I view back at the last few months, thanking all that time I took to recover. A month or so ago I asked, for a different issue, if there was an online chat option for those of us too anxious to even pick up the phone. Turns out there are plenty of services like that, thankfully.
Picked up the phone. Put the phone down to go to the toilet. Came out and had a glass of water. Deep breathing. Sprayed on "Christmas Calm" by Kinique Kinesiology. It's a soft smell with a hint of sweetness. It's Christmas everyday when you use this regularly.
Pressed in the number. Hang up. Repeat, several times, as I get navigated around automated instructions, fumbling with information required, replying too slow for the recording. Finally getting through to an operator, for him to inform me that the online processing had actually worked, despite my screen telling me otherwise.
Automation is awesome. Humans to talk to on the other end of the phone are awesome. Thankfully it is now set up and I can anxiety about something else.
I spray more Christmas Calm onto the heart area.
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