Day 73 - Year in Review 2015

I looked around with my positive lenses, and there were plenty to appreciate and reflect back in joy.

Happy New Year to me!

Day 65 - Inviting People

With all the releasing I did yesterday, I had made stronger connections with people today.

Thank you all for a listening ear, your company, and shared laughter.

Thank you also for making me feel valued and useful.

Day 64 - Releasing People

Visualisation for releasing people energetically with respect

Imagine a stage. You are sitting in the front seat, in the center where all of the stage is in view. The stage lights up.  

The person you are saying goodbye to walks onto center stage. The spotlight is on them.
Now see a silver cord extending in between you and the person. Send them good intentions, appreciation, good memories, and learnings. If nothing comes to mind, start with thanking them for coming into your life. 

When you are ready, cut the silver cord. This could be by scissors in your hands, or a giant swinging axe from the ceiling. Make it a swift cut. 

Now, allow the person to slowly fade into the bright spotlight. Allow them all the time you need, to finally let go of this person and their energy. 

Lastly, fortify your own energy field with light and any other imagery that usually works for you for repairing and protecting your boundaries.

Over a period of time, you may feel a pull to contact them again, or think of them out of habit, or feel the need to grieve. All of these are normal feelings. "Thank fuck that's over," is okay too.

This visualisation is best used for people you are saying your final farewell to, either for the deceased or alive people you want to let go of. However it also works for loved ones and people you meet regularly, to disengage with them energetically temporarily.

Day 60 - Happy Words

Along with writing, I am also making a list of 'positive' feeling words. So far I have 202. It is very uplifting to read the list.

I asked what other people's favourite 'positive' feeling words were. Here are the top 5 so far.

Trust/ing
Love/d
Grateful
Appreciate/d
Empowered

Do you have a favourite 'positive' feeling word?

Day 58 - Mirror Mirror

As a divergence for grumpy baby, I got a compact mirror out. I brought it up close where I could only see my eyes, and sometimes just one eye.

"I love you."
"Thank you for being in my life."
"It's lovely to know you."
"I am willing to be your friend."

Baby wanted in on the action immediately. She recognises her reflection now, and most of the time enjoys seeing herself. As I pointed the mirror at her, I repeated the statements on her behalf.

"I love you."
"Thank you for being in my life."
"It's lovely to know you."
"I am willing to be your friend."

And also:

"Thank you for becoming my child."

Having a small mirror means I am removing all the extra judgments I may be holding at the time, about my appearance, my accomplishments and failures, my past in general, other people's opinions of me. And anything else that may enter my field of vision that may detract from seeing me. I am only looking at my eyeballs. Sometimes just the one eyeball, and talking to them one at a time.

Day 56 - Receiving

Baby and I received a carload of pre-loved clothes, books, and toys, as a friend was taking it all to the op-shop, and we got first pickings. Baby now has toys enough to keep at her nan's so she doesn't have to keep taking hers all the time. I have dinosaur references to study and play with. We also received a beautiful handmade quilt that was well-loved first as a play-mat and then as bed cover. Very much appreciating the abundance that was generously shared.

Today's card: Devotion - Nature Spirits

Stop isolating yourself and dwelling on your misery, and go outside. Focus on the beauty, power, and holiness that nature affirms.

From Ask Your Guides Oracle Cards

Day 44 - Introduction Page (and Appreciation)

Nap times have gotten easier now that I can back-carry baby. Boobing her to sleep has confined me to the couch, although it is sometimes nice to sleep with her. Front carry naps, which is what we do while out, has become increasingly awkward because of her bulk, and limited my movement and the strength to carry larger items (and dropping food crumbs on her head). Back carrying means I can be mobile in many more ways.

During the first nap, once mobile tasks were done, I sat at the laptop to write my introduction. It's more of a backstory than what I said in my first entry.

I tried to condense it and only catch the key points.

I realised that my parents were doing the best they could at that time. There is a quote that goes, "Your time of blaming your parents have expired." I thank them for giving me a fantastic childhood full of great memories and photo opportunities.

I am thankful for the school library for giving me space. It is where I first came across occult literature. I am thankful for my friends during that time. I am thankful for the 'good' education, the kind I can write in my resume alongside my accomplishments.

I am thankful that I kept questioning. I am thankful for all the knowledge and inspiration I've acquired through my studies.

I am thankful for mum's challenges, as growing into her support person (not quite 'carer') has strengthened my character. That I don't have to do things the way she did things, and also I can choose for myself which of her 'things' I want to pass onto my child.

I am thankful that technology has finally caught up with the way I like to communicate (video calling, instant messaging), that it has opened up avenues to have a relationship with dad.

I am thankful for H's contributions, especially that I can be a stay-at-home mum like I had wanted to. That I now have time to reflect all the time and write this blog. That I'm moving towards what I originally left work to do.

I am thankful for the support I am receiving now. Some of these people I met because of a chance meeting, others through introduction, and a few I don't even remember the exact moment of accepting Friend request on Facebook.

I am thankful for this child coming into my life. I am challenged by her challenges and enjoy her enjoyments. Possibly everything every mother has said ever about her child, that doesn't need to be repeated here.

Lastly I am thankful to my readers, that I have received feedback on how much they enjoy reading my posts. Or that they can relate to the latest episode of my dramas. Or that they are inspired by an activity. When I tag people from whom I had been inspired by, they reply with words of encouragement. That people are clicking on the link at all, and I see the statistics rise, which gives me a self-confidence boost.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Day 13 - In a Dream

Well after midnight H hobbled out of the bedroom, being woken by a dream. I was up because long naps in the afternoon usually pushes my sleepiness back. He told me of how I gave my wedding ring to his ex-girlfriend, she was happy about it, they watched the Lord of the Rings with her siblings and the movie morphed into a Delta Goodrem music clip, He was weirded out for a long time by the non sequitur of a story line. I pushed through with my usual questionings anyway.

"What do I and her have in common" finally dislodged some answers. He shared how different I was from the previous girlfriends. It took him back to our first months of courting. I left an impression enough for him to want to see me the next time, and the next time, and then spend some more time.

He reflected on how much he appreciated me then. Perhaps it was what he needed to bring those feelings into our relationship now.

I needed to hear those words, still feeling tender from the other day. And also to share a much needed long, quiet, uninterrupted cuddle.

Day 12 - Support Groups

I was familiar with Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness because some people had mentioned it on Facebook, and also that a friend had been going there for a few years. It took kicking a hole in the wall to contact the director, and then a few more weeks later of losing the car to finally seek them out for support.

Today we had Jen Bettridge speak to us of her journey and learnings. Most concepts I have heard before but it's so good to hear them again.

- Take the highs with the lows.
- Look for things to appreciate.
- Forgiveness does not equate to condoning or accepting
- Forgive thyself
- There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you had long forgotten that you are even in the tunnel
- Do one personal development activity every day. Don't stress about missing a day now and again because that is also part of self-care.

That was baby and I's first outing in the new car. Hooray independence!

Reclaiming - Day 8

Beautiful day, new adventure, delicious foods. More precisely going to Oktoberfest as a family. Enjoyable because of all the work I've been doing. As was so I did not have to rely on any emergency techniques to bring me back to joy. All was well.

But also I didn't have anything to add here, besides gratitude. There is always more gratitude, if one chooses to acknowledge them.

I managed to catch Anne Alecson's reading session on Soul TV tonight just in time, and queried whether there were any messages for me.

This is what I received:

indeed dear one Mariko we would simply urge you to keep doing what you are doing...relaxing into who you are, becoming who you desire to be...relax, relax, relax and know that all is well with you and your loved ones

Thank you Anne and guides for the validation that I am on the right track.

I wonder what's next to relax even more into my sparkle?

Reclaiming - Day 7

One of the powerful questions one can ask is "How could it possibly get better than this?" While I was in the darkest of moments it seemed there was nothing to be thankful for, let alone imagining it could even be smidgen better. 3am with a baby full of energy, enjoying her company as I sleepily reflected back on this past week, was the first time in years my mind had formed this sentence. I smiled in reply that I didn't have to picture what it was, but to welcome it whatever shape that may be.

It answered in the shape of a vehicle. I will be mobile again from Tuesday evening.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Financing it has become a responsibility, to be sorted as I am able.

How else could things possibly get any better than this?

Reclaiming - Day 5 (Thankful Thursday!)

To be present in one's integrity to appeal to another's integrity is the quickest way to heart connection.

As a result of yesterday morning's conversation, H came home more committed, created some goals in regards to things that were on his mind, and followed through on being a father. This in turn gave me the space I had been asking for of uninterrupted me time, an enjoyable meal, and to face baby's bedtime without feeling lonely. Listening to their interactions was joyful. When baby began her hungry whines they didn't feel so urgent, but rather, I could empathise and tell her it's only a few more minutes away. I felt my boundaries were respected.

This morning I found this gem of a post from Kylie Stretton the Mummy Motivator:

Finding You Tip 7: SELF-LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE 

As the old saying goes, if you cannot love yourself, you cannot truly love another. When you love and accept yourself fully you do not need anyone else to fulfil those needs within you. So give yourself the love and acceptance you deserve. Think of the little child within you, and take care of that child as though it were a living, breathing soul - because it is! Don't criticise or blame or admonish. Instead, accept yourself exactly as you are: a perfect, complete and worthy human being. When you approve of yourself the changes around you happen immediately. You will see that you live in a more positive and loving world. The external change is a manifestation of the internal change - all this change comes from within you! ‪

Keeping with the theme of caring for the inner child, I decided to do a small craft project to upgrade my Gratitude Jar. I must confess it had been sitting there collecting dust instead of gratitude notes for a few years. I also finally knew what I wanted to do with the large coffee jar I had been saving for inspiration to hit.

I read through all the notes in there and added a few more from this week's memos. The notes mentioning aircon and fans and cool breeze under the shade especially made me smile in this current warm weather.

I declare today Thankful Thursday.


*Kylie's book Finding Kylie will be available for purchase from late November.