Reclaiming - Day 3

This morning I woke up wondering what I would write about today. It was unusual for me to look so far ahead into the future on unplanned days, having gotten so used to going with the flow and demand of baby's requirements.

To look for today's inspiration I put on Anthony Robbins' Personal Power CD, remembering how much I got out of the program the first time around. While I skipped half of 'Day 1' as it was mostly introduction that I have heard before, I did sneak some notes down in between cuddles and feeding.

One of the mantras that is repeated throughout the program is "Past does not equal the future."

I do wonder how I would have reacted to hear that during some of the flashbacks, talking to now-imaginary people, reenacting situations or re-imagining scenarios. Past definitely was invading the present and the worry of when it was going to happen again. My flashbacks never had any predictable patterns, though happening more during quiet times. My reaction to them ranged from melancholy tears to violent rage to suicidal thoughts. While these emotions were present, future visioning were added torture.

And now I find myself ok with the idea that it might be wonderful to exist next week, next year, the next few hours.

The task set for 'Day 1' was to find two things I had been putting off. "Like a phone call!" The instructions were that it didn't have to be overwhelmingly massive, just a task I had been putting off, that when I'm done, will give me a sense of accomplishment and self-esteem. Since I did the telephone thing yesterday, I decided the two things will be the bed of the spare room and the toys in the lounge room.

I observed that I procrastinated to get to these tasks, by cleaning other areas. Dry dishes got put away, morning's wash got hung out, things in the room had to be rearranged in order for the bed to be tidied. I was actually happy to do it because felt already accomplished from doing the regular but unplanned tasks in the kitchen and laundry. And I also wondered about what else could be done today? The lounge room tidying did not take as long as I thought, as all the items were large things that needed a place. As a result the pram now has its own space, something that took 8 months to accomplish since its purchase.

Two tasks already accomplished. Perhaps the lesson is that daunting tasks are sometimes not as big as they appear to be.

I see scattered toys that could be put away. Another thing to accomplish.