I cried, grieved and tantrumed about a few 'undisclosed' issues. I got to the petrol station and waited out the wailing before proceeding with the purchase and payment. The woman behind the counter was compassionate to my state. I got home and cried some more. I threw blame at H until I came out the other side to my ownership.
That I don't trust people easily because I don't feel safe unless under strict safety protocol, that what say will be given space and respect.
That while I idealise independence, I never learned how to be independent.
It wore on baby's patience as sitting on the couch with weepy mama was not comfortable enough to fall asleep, and I eventually released enough to take her to bed.
H and I were able to have meaningful connection when I came out.
However the headache remained and increased in intensity. Even though I was hungry when I requested it, the actual preparation gave me dizzy spells. I watched H eat, I called out for help in Mind Your Own Vibrations, and napped 2 hours with baby.
I received 2 RUOK pm's. Even in the midst of communicating is hard, I received very meaningful communications.
I.R.O.K.
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