Day 103 - Chat with a Medium

I had a chat to a medium this morning, mum and the offsprings came through.

Mum told me to go outside 10-15 minutes every day and to wear sunscreen if I'm staying out longer. And also to cut back on the coffee. Piss off mother LMAO!

She also apologised for her behaviour in manipulating me, and also that the last 2 years of her life was not her due to the drugs and headtalk and the pain making her crazy. Funny how the chemo came through initially as 'tequilla', "did she have an alcohol problem" ummm no. They did come in a bottle though.

 Two more babies are on their way. Not entirely surprised they wanted to talk. The next one has ASD challenges and the 3rd is neutral/grounded. Will be chatting to them more privately about how it is also up to the father to want them here too.

Day 102 - Purposeful Kindness

Random Act of Kindness Day #RoaK

Random in a way that, even with the period tracker it is still a random timing when it does come. The rest is purposeful kindness to me while everything comes to a halt, as much as possible.

Cramping, foggy head, 'mess management', being horizontal often.

Also to be mindful that H isn't feeling his best either, while at the same time take full advantage that he is on the recovering end of things. Thankful that it's the weekend which means he can be home and be a parent while I excuse myself to rest.

Thankful that it is my will, not some preordained rule that I must hide away.

The cloth pads I use while at home collect the blood, soaked water returns to earth (and also thankful for the disposables while out!)

Kindness that, the more openly I speak of menstruation, easier it becomes collectively to discuss it. Credits of course to the women before me that have encouraged me personally and also to the anonymous community.

Day 101 - Oops...

The day filled with catching up, anticipation, and then that being too distracting to connect meaningfully with baby resulted in a 3 hour attempt to get her to sleep.

Hence this side-note-like post for day 101, hastily put together after midnight.

And too tired to really think of what else to put here.

Funny how popular a give-away is and then nobody wants it when it's a copy of it for $1. Time to work more on that value thingamajig-whatever.

Day 100!!!

Today's plan for day 100 was to go through the blog to collect up the themes and start phase 2 of this blog.

Universe had other plans.

A conversation with my subconscious lead me to sell my art tomorrow.

It started with completing this owl, as a give-away introduction to my drawings.

And that I need to have a few ready for sale for tomorrow's #Promotion day.

I suddenly made myself busy with the want to participate in Womanhood.

Day 99 - Connecting Throat and Heart

I posted an energy question to Soul TV today.

Hi Michelle, I've been working on loosening my chest and throat area, is there anything else I could be doing? Thank you.

The reply came:

I pulled the Throat Charka and Wholeness card for you from the Everyday Lightworker Oracle Cards and the affirmation states "My Higher Self holds sacred space when my shadow speaks its truth". I feel that the work that you are doing is bridging the connection between heart and throat, this is very positive. Concentrating on both lighter and darker aspects of the psyche is important for full integration.

Confirmation to keep breathing deep.

Tonight is also introduction night to Womanhood. While I will not be doing the course, I am excited to be in that environment and give my testimonial on how wonderful my experience was a few years ago.

Day 98 - Of Releasing

I cried, grieved and tantrumed about a few 'undisclosed' issues. I got to the petrol station and waited out the wailing before proceeding with the purchase and payment. The woman behind the counter was compassionate to my state. I got home and cried some more. I threw blame at H until I came out the other side to my ownership.

That I don't trust people easily because I don't feel safe unless under strict safety protocol, that what say will be given space and respect.

That while I idealise independence, I never learned how to be independent.

It wore on baby's patience as sitting on the couch with weepy mama was not comfortable enough to fall asleep, and I eventually released enough to take her to bed.

H and I were able to have meaningful connection when I came out.

However the headache remained and increased in intensity. Even though I was hungry when I requested it, the actual preparation gave me dizzy spells. I watched H eat, I called out for help in Mind Your Own Vibrations, and napped 2 hours with baby.

I received 2 RUOK pm's. Even in the midst of communicating is hard, I received very meaningful communications.

I.R.O.K.

Day 97 - Breathing. Really Breathing.

I had a sample session with a Voice Coach today. After the digging of blockages and filters, we settled on doing 4 breathing exercises. This is to relax and stretch the very tight muscles around throat and chest area. I noticed for the first time that it hurts to breathe in deep (even though I can breathe out long and strong easily).

1) Chest/Sternum
2) Pit of stomach
3) Lower abdomen
4) Top of thigh at hip socket

First time around I am challenged by just doing normal breathing.

I'm also taking notes on anything that arises. There are a lot of layers in this.

And the volcano image from Amy's reading, how emotions bubble away until they erupt and I destroy things.

Day 96 - Tree of Life Circles

I started this this morning in Fireworks. Moving circles around and trying to figure out what the pattern was. Once I got that, it was moving the objects around 1 pixel this way, 1 pixel that way, until they were in a formation I was happy with.

I must say it would have been easier with a sturdy compass...

Day 95 - I Am Light

This came through my feed and it reminded me of a quote from Amy's reading.

"I am a blinding light, a Herald, clear and free."

Being a candle I am comfortable with. Syncronically my old handle Pyrofairy came up in a conversation, somebody revisiting friends from that space and time. A glowing light, the permission to shine.

But a blinding light?

After a moment of venting, I finally put the quote in among all the 'I am perfectly enough'. At 1pm, like the symbol's instructions.

I am enough day 21. I am bright enough.

Day 94 - Cleaning

Overnight I didn't sleep much due to baby waking up what felt like every hour, and my arms and hand muscles were sore. It was a sign that I was spending way too much time on the machinery. Unlike usual, I did not turn the laptop on until I felt ready for it.

The time spent looking at the screen was replaced by productiveness.

After the nappies got taken out of the washing machine, I started cleaning. First the sink, then toilet, and bathtub. Then wiping the dust off the decoration counter in the bedroom (had to stop at the fan though as I was away too long for baby and we did nap time). 3 loads of washing, got dinner ready, and H came home just as I was starting the dishes.

Amazingly there was very little head chatter, and no flashbacks at all!

It's been a productive day.

Day 20 of I am enough 100 days.

Day 93 - Liquid Crystals Reading

I won a competition through Weird and Wonderful for a chance to have my name drawn out of a hat for a choice of modalities. I chose a Liquid Crystals reading and Amy came over today to give me a very detailed reading.

I took notes... and told her that we have to do this again in a few year's time to see where things have shifted. It was very exciting to be able to talk about the other dimensions and beings and levels of existances, coming and going from the 3D to the other planes and back again.

The Liquid Crystals site has a few free sample readings, where you fill your name in as one would a simple numerology calculation. I got this card as my Purpose crystal:

It includes working with creation, manifestation, focus, mental scatter, life purpose, Akashic Records, Extraterrestrial communication, ascension, fears, truths, the Pleidians, the Arcturians, and the Sirians, Thoth, Melchizedek, Kuthumi, and St Germaine

Day 92 - Onward With Images

Having tidied up the computer files I felt very motivated today to get along with the 'I am enough' series. So much so I got started on 3. Only 32 more to go.

Day 18 I am enough 100 days.

Day 91 - Cleaning the Computer

I have files from year 12 assessments. It's a lot of accumulated files. Today I finally went through the collected articles, images, half-written documents, copies of legal documents and the like and 'binned' the ones long expired their welcome.

Middle of the day dad called on Skype. The laptop froze and I panicked that I lost the half-transfered files. I sprayed Christmas Calm around me, Daichi (grounding mist) around my feet, placed Joy oil in my heart space, and had a lie down with the hands on my head. The thoughts wandered, and got interrupted by baby's eeeh's before the time was up. However I did feel much better for it and got on with folding the laundry, until I figured out how to turn the laptop off completely and try again. Everything was intact, bar the Skype connection. What a relief! It took to early evening to get through the files I wanted to tidy up, create new folders, and condense the amount of things I have stored.

Day 90 - Joining Canva

I joined Canva, another Social Media platform for creating graphic images.

Day 16 "I am enough"

I also created a calendar of dates for the 100 Days Goal and "I am enough." They are staggered by 2 and not 3 as I originally thought. Which makes the last day of "I am enough" the day before my birthday. Oh well.

Day 89 - Instagram Account

I finally said YES to getting an Instagram account. At the moment it will get used to post images from the "I am Enough" project. It is day 15.

It amuses me that in two different groups the theme for this weekend was "Saying Yes," being open to opportunities, being brave.

Be enough, be brave.

Day 88 - Weekly Sparkle Scintillator

Weekly review and planning journal was originally part of the Sparkle Challenge, which I did not do both times. However, just to try it out, I filled out the questions provided for the 2nd week into the new year last week. It came surprisingly naturally to remember it and then also to do it.

I even labeled the front of the notebook I'm using.

It feels important to also acknowledge a new word learned - Scintillator. They are materials that exhibit property of luminescence when excited by ionizing radiation.

Day 87 - Body Scan

I had a body scan tonight

My Prehenite chose you tonight.  

Here's what came up: Base/Root Chakra: Issues with stability, foundations and grounding. It's just a little sluggish and could use a tune up.  

Solar Plexus Chakra: Flexibility. There's something that you are being inflexible about and it's actually starting to affect your life in some way. Time to get that energy flowing again and find your flexibility and adaptibility.  

Heart Chakra: Self-doubt. You need to have compassion for yourself. This is an ongoing, recurring lesson for you. It has come down through many reincarnations. 

I hope this helps! Blessings xx

My question is, what am I being stubborn about?

Day 86 - 14/1/16

Heilwerden - Vanilleecke

Sie lieben dieses suse, zarte, milchige, vanillige Gefuhl, das Sie aus Ihrer Kindheit kennen. Gerne erinnern Sie sich an die schonen Stunden des Glucklichseins - an eine Zeit, als die Dinge noch einfach waren. Sie wunschen sich die Unschuld eines Kindes zuruck und suchen das unbeschwerte Glück. 

Vergleichen Sie sich manchmal mit andern, und finden, Sie sind zu verletzlich? Vertrauen Sie darauf, dass Sie genauso sind, wie Sie sein sollen. Sie mussen sich nicht andern, um andern zu gefallen. Sie haben sich noch etwas Kindliches in Ihrem Herzen und Ihren Gefuhlen bewahrt, was viele Menschen schon langst mit rauem Gebaren uberdecken. Denken Sie uber Ihre eigene Person positiv. Glauben Sie an sich. 

Behandeln Sie jemanden, der Sie verletzt hat in einer Weise, dass der Betroffene Ihre Grenzen zu spuren bekommt, sein Verhalten andert und erkennt, was tatsachlich angebracht ist. Entscheiden Sie sich klar dafur, etwas zu tun, statt etwas zu erdulden.
Wenn Sie manchmal nicht mehr wissen, was in Ihnen vor sich geht, dann beginnen Sie doch einfach uber Ihre Gefuhle zu sprechen! Erzahlen Sie einem vertrauenswurdigen Freund, einer Freundin order einem Mitgleid Ihrer Familie, wie Sie sich fuhlen. Wenn Sie sich anvertrauen und uber Ihre Gefuhle reden, werden Sie sich selbst besser verstehen. 

Von wo oder wem kommen gerade liebevolle Impulse auf Sie zu? Fur die sollten Sie offen sein. Ein Entgegenkommen, eine Liebeserklärung oder ein Kompliment, aber auch einfach alles, was Ihre Laune hebt, Sie aufbaut oder tröstet.
  

Nehmen Sie sich Zeit yum susen Nichtstun. Vanille, die Königin der Gewürze, wirkt beruhigend auf die Nerven. Gerade dann, wenn Sie vielen Anforderungen von allen Seiten gerecht werden müssen und der Reizüberflutung in der heutigen Zeit erliegen - sind Vanilleecken gut. Die helle Farbe der Glasur bemächtig sich in diesem Augenblick Ihrer Sinne, im Schlepptau Bilder aus Ihrer Kindheit in unschuldigem Weiß. Eine knackige Schokolade, eine Füllung aus Sahne-Creme und Vanille. Sie sollten sie wirklich versuchen. 

*** 

You will love this sweet, delicate, milky, vanilla feeling you know from your childhood. Of course you remember the spare hours of happiness - at a time when things were still simple. Wish you be back the innocence of a child and are looking for the carefree happiness. 

Do you find yourself sometimes vulnerable when comparing yourself to others? Trust that you are exactly as you should be. You must not change yourself to please others. You do not have something childlike preserved in your heart and your feelings, what many people already long since over cover with rough behavior. Think positive about your own person. Believe in yourself. 

Treat someone who has hurt you in a way that the person gets to trace your limits, changed his behavior and recognize what is actually mounted. Opt clearly for this, rather than to endure something. 

If you sometimes do not know what goes into you in front of him, then you start Just about your feelings to speak! Tell you a trustworthy friend, or a member of your family, how you will feel. If you confide in and talk about your feelings, you will better understand yourself. 

From where or whom just loving impulses come to you? For that you should be open. A concession, a declaration of love or a compliment, but also just about anything your mood lifts, you build or comforting.
  

Take time for sweet idleness. Vanilla, the queen of spices, has a calming effect on the nerves. Especially when you have to be many demands from all sides meet and succumb to the overstimulation at the present time - are vanilla corners well. The bright colour of the glaze possesses  at this moment of your senses, in tow pictures from your childhood in innocent white. A crisp chocolate, a filling of cream and vanilla cream. You should really try.

From Schokoladen-Orakel by Darsho M Willing 

Day 11 of 'I am enough'

Day 85 - No News Day

A group I'm in has #GoodNewsDay on Wednesdays. I was thinking about what I could share for today. Turns out I have no news. No news is good news.

Today is also day #10 of "I am enough". I now have a post-it on my monitor so I glance up at it every so often.

Day 84 - Yellow Glow

As it is unpredictable when I have 2 hands available to hold the energy space of my neck and forehead, I settled on imagining a glow of yellow in that area when I remember to do so. When I do have both hands, I modified yesterday's advice to this routine:

Forehead and neck holding, 3 breaths
Base of throat holding, 3 breaths
Collar bone, 3 breaths
Base of spine, 3 breaths

Day 83 - Rest Day

Most of yesterday was driving, stopping, looking at the map, wanting to give up many times, and finally getting to the destinations. Creating a beautiful vision board and spending time in a women's circle was worth all that. All the driving had worn me out and today I had a headache.

I experienced distance kinesiology for the first time this morning. The topic we focused on was the flashbacks. Tammie Irvine gave me some points to focus on to release for the next few days or as gently as my body allows. It turned out that the effect of the holding and visualisation was so profound that it increased the headache, felt light-headed, muscle tension, and all that.

Self-care included a bath soak with extra epsom salt, peppermint to the most tense areas, and some massage.

And a carrot, and an English muffin for dinner was enough.

Day 82 - New Cards

It was a write-off kind of day, with baby up all night, late start to the morning, and a long nap in the afternoon.

Today I got to LifeLine to give them two boxes of stuff. Even with them out it feels like it hardly made any dint in our abundance of stuff. I'm feeling the privilege. At the shop I bought two dinosaur toys, as inspiration towards the dinosaur project, and also three packs of oracle cards. I was drawn to getting them to have as give-away messages.

The card I drew from one of the decks was - "How to Use These Cards" card. After I finished laughing at it, I decided to glue this one on the inside of the lid of the box these cards are going to live in. I will take it to the women's circle tomorrow to start giving these away. I'm looking forward to the vision board activity as it has been a while since I participated in one.

***
(Drawing "Sexuality" card while sitting here in my underwear is pretty funny also)

Day 81 - Health

Today's topic was health. As soon as I read the sentences, I felt the need to get the giant mug out again, and infused fresh mint in it. I sipped from it all day, and even refilled it once.

I had one mini flashback during the day. I call it mini because the scene only lasted maybe 10 minutes. It gently got guided away with the 'I am enough.'

Later, I discovered that with the snooze function on, I can enjoy the alarm a bit longer.

Day #6 of "I am perfectly enough."

Day 80 - Socialising

It was a socialising day today, so it felt like I had not ticked anything off on my 100 actions list. However, it did achieve a minor de-cluttering by passing on the Japanese books. It was also an opportunity to be open about my mental health journey. And of course to use Japanese, and some semblance of practicing goals starting to form.

I had a dose of feel-good from a gifting theme day. This was one of the quotes from a reading:

"To be truthful your comfort zone never really existed, it was simply an illusion created by self to keep you feeling safe and small."

I also received a call to action from another reading, which was interesting considering I had an 'off' day of sorts from creating content. Also it was a reminder that I will be required to take big actions towards publishing my works.

On the home front, this is now visible in the dining room at baby's eye level.

 I am perfectly enough day #5

Day 79 - Abundance

Today I was contemplating abundance. This too, was easy to give thanks to all the stuff I have, the ability to cull and give away, and the space I have to store or have on display around the house. Give thanks to the abundance of water from last two days of rain, and the abundance of sunshine all day today. That I have enough to share with baby for her growth and well-being. That I have enough for my happiness.

3 minutes to midday, I finished my drawing task for today, which was an amazing feeling. Knowing I finished for the day I was able to nap with baby guilt-free in the afternoon.

Day #4 of 'I am perfectly enough.' I shared the concept with the Peach Tree mums and it looks like I have 'perfectly enough' buddies with me for the next few months.

Abundance has many forms and exploring them is great fun!

Day 78 - Joy

Today's focus was JOY. This one was easy to list what brought me joy. I also laughed a lot today, was productive with my drawings (did two!), had an enjoyable lunch with baby, and had the opportunity to Skype with my father.

I read a lot of other people's visualisation - interestingly most of the their happy places were by the sea. For the 'waves to wash away their worries.'

Lastly, I washed my hair tonight. Small gesture perhaps, but also an accomplishment to have my own 'washing away my worries' time.

Day #3 of seeing 'I am perfectly enough' on my phone.

Day 77 - Wholeness

Today's contemplation was on WHOLENESS. To me, wholeness feels like everything; completeness, and yet also the beginning, freshness. It is a feeling to feel into, and then expand from.

Anne suggested I twerk the "I am enough" alarm statement to "I am perfectly enough." So I have 99 more days of "I am perfectly enough" to look forward to several times a day.

As I was working at a cafe, a young man came up and asked about the page. He shared with me his works, and I was able to pass on convention information written by Megs Drinkwater. I wish him success!

Day 76 - Peace

I started the day on the PEACE page.

I make space in this world for peace in all moments. I remove all blockages to manifesting peace in all moments. I stretch my capacity to manifest and accept peace in all moments.

From Jen Ward's Jenuine Healing Sharing Circle

I listed a few things that make me feel peaceful. It was harder than I thought it would be. It made me contemplate what peace means. There were a lot of avoiding sentences, for example 'avoid toxic people.'

"Learn to recognise tension and stress in others around you and be aware of your reaction to it. Always choose which brings peace"

From 'A Perfect Calm' by Alan Hewitt

Today's event I went to Anne Aleckson's Mind Your Own Vibration, as I felt the need for direction for this new year. Among the great messages that were spoken and discussed, it was suggested I do the 'I am enough' exercise as my 100 days goal. To be aware of the shifts that happen as my phone alarms at 4 intervals, I AM ENOUGH.

By the end of the day, I had affirmations running in my head: "I am peaceful, I am peace, I am whole and complete, I am enough."

I also had visuals in my head to turn these affirmations into colouring pages. Which, as I feel into it more, feels like an achievable goal in 100 days. Now to jot down the 100 (micro)action steps.

Day 75 - De-cluttering Books

While I still don't have a clear goal for the 100 Days, I'm enjoying reading people's posts of their progresses. It is very inspiring to see.

Today I went through my book collection, half of which includes what is left of my mother's collection. Even though I had gone through it several times before, there are still a lot I want to hold onto. This time I only got two small bags (one Japanese pile, one English pile). Still, it is a cull. I also found books I wanted more easy access to, and some I had forgotten about.

One of the books I found was A Perfect Calm. It's a pocket book of visualisation by Alan Hewitt. Here is an example entry:

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." - Anonymous.Visualise the pain easing.

Day 74 - Happy New Year

As a happy new year to myself, I started the day putting on the Magnify Your Purpose oil, and used Joy oil as perfume to go out for the morning.

In the haze of recovering from late night and early morning start, this afternoon I opened my first email reminder of the 100 day journal from The Business Bakery. Since I haven't created or thought about goals for this year, the best place to start was to write today's entry.

Speaking of 100, I'm almost there with writing my 100th entry. I have enough posts now to start sorting through the tags and observing my topics. Along with this blog, the dinosaur drawings, and the short stories I'm creating, it's going to be a busy productive year.

I also found this gem posted by Jen Ward, to which I wrote the words on separate pages. Awakeness and baby allowing, I will complete filling out the pages in the next few days.

TECHNIQUE:  

Tap in Your New Year Intentions: Make a list of these words down the right hand of a piece of paper: Joy, Love, Abundance, Freedom, Health, Success, Security, Companionship, Peace, Life and Wholeness. Write down next to each one, what would bring you the greatest amount of each. For example, for joy, it may mean spending more time with your children or being around more animals. It will be different for everyone. After you have all the sentences, Convert them into sentences. Use these sentences as taps and tap them into your psyche. If you need to formulate them, into things you want to manifest, write them like this:  

"I make space in this world for _____________; in all moments"
"I remove all blockages to manifesting ____________; in all moments"
"I stretch my capacity to manifest and accept ____________; in all moments:

Card of the Day:

Polar Bear: "Stand up for yourself and speak your truth respectfully and compassionately, with no attachment to outcome."

 Messages from your Animal Spirit Guides Oracle Cards