Day 103 - Chat with a Medium

I had a chat to a medium this morning, mum and the offsprings came through.

Mum told me to go outside 10-15 minutes every day and to wear sunscreen if I'm staying out longer. And also to cut back on the coffee. Piss off mother LMAO!

She also apologised for her behaviour in manipulating me, and also that the last 2 years of her life was not her due to the drugs and headtalk and the pain making her crazy. Funny how the chemo came through initially as 'tequilla', "did she have an alcohol problem" ummm no. They did come in a bottle though.

 Two more babies are on their way. Not entirely surprised they wanted to talk. The next one has ASD challenges and the 3rd is neutral/grounded. Will be chatting to them more privately about how it is also up to the father to want them here too.

Day 102 - Purposeful Kindness

Random Act of Kindness Day #RoaK

Random in a way that, even with the period tracker it is still a random timing when it does come. The rest is purposeful kindness to me while everything comes to a halt, as much as possible.

Cramping, foggy head, 'mess management', being horizontal often.

Also to be mindful that H isn't feeling his best either, while at the same time take full advantage that he is on the recovering end of things. Thankful that it's the weekend which means he can be home and be a parent while I excuse myself to rest.

Thankful that it is my will, not some preordained rule that I must hide away.

The cloth pads I use while at home collect the blood, soaked water returns to earth (and also thankful for the disposables while out!)

Kindness that, the more openly I speak of menstruation, easier it becomes collectively to discuss it. Credits of course to the women before me that have encouraged me personally and also to the anonymous community.

Day 101 - Oops...

The day filled with catching up, anticipation, and then that being too distracting to connect meaningfully with baby resulted in a 3 hour attempt to get her to sleep.

Hence this side-note-like post for day 101, hastily put together after midnight.

And too tired to really think of what else to put here.

Funny how popular a give-away is and then nobody wants it when it's a copy of it for $1. Time to work more on that value thingamajig-whatever.

Day 100!!!

Today's plan for day 100 was to go through the blog to collect up the themes and start phase 2 of this blog.

Universe had other plans.

A conversation with my subconscious lead me to sell my art tomorrow.

It started with completing this owl, as a give-away introduction to my drawings.

And that I need to have a few ready for sale for tomorrow's #Promotion day.

I suddenly made myself busy with the want to participate in Womanhood.

Day 99 - Connecting Throat and Heart

I posted an energy question to Soul TV today.

Hi Michelle, I've been working on loosening my chest and throat area, is there anything else I could be doing? Thank you.

The reply came:

I pulled the Throat Charka and Wholeness card for you from the Everyday Lightworker Oracle Cards and the affirmation states "My Higher Self holds sacred space when my shadow speaks its truth". I feel that the work that you are doing is bridging the connection between heart and throat, this is very positive. Concentrating on both lighter and darker aspects of the psyche is important for full integration.

Confirmation to keep breathing deep.

Tonight is also introduction night to Womanhood. While I will not be doing the course, I am excited to be in that environment and give my testimonial on how wonderful my experience was a few years ago.

Day 98 - Of Releasing

I cried, grieved and tantrumed about a few 'undisclosed' issues. I got to the petrol station and waited out the wailing before proceeding with the purchase and payment. The woman behind the counter was compassionate to my state. I got home and cried some more. I threw blame at H until I came out the other side to my ownership.

That I don't trust people easily because I don't feel safe unless under strict safety protocol, that what say will be given space and respect.

That while I idealise independence, I never learned how to be independent.

It wore on baby's patience as sitting on the couch with weepy mama was not comfortable enough to fall asleep, and I eventually released enough to take her to bed.

H and I were able to have meaningful connection when I came out.

However the headache remained and increased in intensity. Even though I was hungry when I requested it, the actual preparation gave me dizzy spells. I watched H eat, I called out for help in Mind Your Own Vibrations, and napped 2 hours with baby.

I received 2 RUOK pm's. Even in the midst of communicating is hard, I received very meaningful communications.

I.R.O.K.

Day 97 - Breathing. Really Breathing.

I had a sample session with a Voice Coach today. After the digging of blockages and filters, we settled on doing 4 breathing exercises. This is to relax and stretch the very tight muscles around throat and chest area. I noticed for the first time that it hurts to breathe in deep (even though I can breathe out long and strong easily).

1) Chest/Sternum
2) Pit of stomach
3) Lower abdomen
4) Top of thigh at hip socket

First time around I am challenged by just doing normal breathing.

I'm also taking notes on anything that arises. There are a lot of layers in this.

And the volcano image from Amy's reading, how emotions bubble away until they erupt and I destroy things.